‘Two World Syndrome’: How Do Handle Kids With Different Temperaments?

'Two World Syndrome'

Sanjana is always in dilemma, what she calls her ‘two kids, two world syndrome’. The syndrome sinks in everywhere: at dinner, in holiday plans, in the movies slotted for Sunday…both her kids – a son, 10, and a daughter, 8 – have such different temperaments, such divergent tastes that no matter how much she plans, one of them ends up sulking about the food, the vacation, the flick, the book…

In Temperament Tools, authors Helen Neville and Diana Clark Johnson classify children according to their innate temperaments: Pulu Puppy – child of moderate temperament; Camber Chameleon – low energy, highly-adaptable child; Tarita Turtle – low energy, easily discouraged child; Fenler Fawn – sensitive, intense, cautious child; Tiganda Tiger – intense, slow adapting child; Bear Cub Combo – active, intense, easily frustrated, slow-adapting child.

According Helen and Diana, most of the parents know that their children are different from the day they are born. Not so long ago, researchers believed that all children were born the same but turned out differently due to how they were brought up. However, recent researches have shown that children are different from birth and, more important, remain indifferent no matter how they are parented.

Leading temperament researchers Dr James Cameroon has studied thousands of babies and concluded that there are only nine temperament traits, and combinations of these traits can explain the behavior of different kinds of kids. Cameroon says that a child’s basic temperament starts to be obvious in the fourth month; the sooner the parents realize it, the easier it is for them to handle the child.

Dr Sandeep Dhingra, consultant psychiatrist, Indraprastha Apollo Medical Center, says that the most important aspect is to understand the emotional reactions of parents towards children. Some parents might prefer a shy, timid child over an enthusiastic, jumpy child because the former are easier to handle. On the other hand, there are parents who prefer gregarious children because they are cheerful and make the house livelier. But doctor cautions: “Between two kids, deep inside, you might have a preference for one. But never express that openly. If the kids understand they are appreciated or deprecated for their behavioral traits, they start building on it. A shy child would get shyer, a jumpy child jumpier! This might lead to extremes later. It’s very important for parents to maintain a balance.”

Often parents inadvertently create imbalances. Kids notice subtle differences in parents’ interactions with them and decide whether they are loved or not. Some parents think that the best way to handle a child is to constantly reassure him or her that he or she is equally good and loved. But there is a catch here – the parents should not overdo this reassurance bit with one child then the other one might feel unloved! It is a tightrope but the parents would have to walk it.

If you can handle the two-kids, two-world syndrome by making a conscious effort to maintain a balance and not openly express your preference for one child’s behavioral trait, you would steer clear of trouble. But don’t wait for everyday problems to hit the danger zone! If you are getting worried about the situation, go to a psychiatrist for professional help and parenting tips.

Sources: 'Temperament Tools', Times of India, Consultant Psychologists from New Delhi, Xplore Mag.